sábado, 4 de setembro de 2010

With the time spent with the family, and not having my own computer with me right now, I've been away from linux hacking for almost three weeks. I hadn't given it much though until now, but after joining Sabayon's group on facebook, I remembered how much I like it, and I remembered that I kinda miss fooling around the system, and I miss having a REAL development environment with my favorite tools to work with. So, I decided to install Sabayon linux on this computer, replacing the old debian install I had on this disk that hasn't been used in months. The reason I still have it here is that grub is managing the booting of the operating systems, and I don't have the time to work around it, leaving only windows installed, since formating isn't an option at this time. Too much crap to back-up manually from inside windows, too little time to do it properly.
So I was thinking about what I needed, and how I could get it, while browsing through old drafts, when I found a tutorial I had written a long time ago and never posted, when I decided that maybe I can install what I want, fix it all up and post how to do it. Maybe I can get some experience points in tutorial writing.
Can't really post a step-by-step instruction set right now since Sabayon is still downloading, but I can describe the problem at hand.
Now, the first issue is that windows can't break during the process or hell will be raised and I'll sleep on the couch (kidding, I hope). So windows has to be able to boot, and needs access to everything on it's own partition plus everything on a second partition that will be used for sharing files between both operating systems. The old partition scheme is going to be reused, but the filesystems need changing, since the sharing partition is a FAT32 partition (don't ask me why, 'cause I have no clue). That one needs to become an NTFS filesystem. The windows one will remain untouched, as will the swap partition. However, the boot partition needs to be resized and changed to ext3 (why? Because I want to.) That leaves the root partition for sabayon and new partition for home, because of the extra safety it ensures that if I have to do something to the root or if I feel like changing distro, I can keep my personal files safely stored and untouched.
So, here we go, this is the intro post for an upcoming tutorial(s). I plan to make Sabayon become as user friendly to my girlfriend as I can, but still providing her with all her favorite applications, which means that I'll have to setup some windows applications under wine (Sims 3 comes to mind), meaning that I can give some pointers to anybody interested along the way. Just a way to give a bit back to the world and to ease the load on other members of the linux community. So, long story put short, I'll be sharing a bit of knowledge and a few linux recipes over the next weeks, so feel free to use them.

quinta-feira, 2 de setembro de 2010

VB was put on hold today since real life got in the way of learning. From running errands with my love in the morning to a trip to a certain clinic in the afternoon, to taking care of my kid up until now, my day has been pretty busy.
I'm really apprehensive about a decision I made today. I got to choose my medication today. Actually, I wasn't really offered a choice, but I took my chances anyway and spoke my mind. Hell, if I'm paying someone to listen to me, I might as well use that, right? There is an issue though. And not a minor one at that. After a lot of failed attempts at finding a therapist, back in 2007 a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless out of respect for his privacy, told me that he had been treated quite successfully in the past years in some clinic. Desperate, seeking salvation from my own mind and from the thoughts that run through it at that time, and pressured by my family and my girlfriend at that time to seek medical help, I decided to give it a go.
Right now I'm remembering all that happened during that time... I started treatment in mid October. My first anti-depressive medication worked wonders, starting from day one to produce visible changes in my mood. I still remember the first few days fondly... It was quite a rush, all the world seemed brighter, I started noticing stuff I had never acknowledged before. Hell, if my own life wasn't such a mess at that time, I'd say I would have felt quite happy. The drugs worked really well during the month that followed, my mood quite better, the thoughts of suicide completely banished from my mind, I started regaining my former love for learning, even my writing improved quality. Apparently it worked like magic, except for one not so minor detail. It simply killed my libido. I said that to my therapist back then. She said that even if it was only very rarely registered, the possibility existed, and had been documented before. We changed the pills. I wanted sex. Hell, its only fair, right? A guy needs his fun, and at the time, sex and drugs were my only possibilities of fun. At least those were the only two things that gave me pleasure back then. The next anti-depressives weren't nearly as effective, but they gave me back my libido. I could have sex again, apparently. Except that my girlfriend wasn't exactly receptive to it, even though it was her that made me commit to changing drugs.
So, why would a guy go through that again? Really, I mean, why would I risk going back to the same drug that supposedly removed my sex drive? Especially when I'm living with my girlfriend (who, in case you haven't figured out, or aren't familiar with my story, isn't the same person as the one I was with at the time. She's the one that proved to me that I had a sex drive after the drug change.)? That was the exact question that my therapist asked.
I answered her. I wasn't even aware that I had an answer to the question, but I did. Hell, I wasn't even aware that I wanted to give the first drug a chance until the words "I want to try the other one again." left my mouth. But I caught her off-guard as much as I did the same to myself. Yet I spoke with such conviction, and with such reason that she let me have my way. Right now, I still doubt myself, but at that moment there was no doubt at all in my mind. I asked her: "What if the drug itself wasn't the problem? What if the lack of interest from my former partner was the real cause of the dysfunction? Because with the time that has past since then, and with a clearer sight of the facts, I think that was the reason."
I may be right, or I may be wrong. If I'm right, then I have in my hands the best substance to help me deal with my depression. I don't want to be wrong, because it would be a damn bad month for both of us if I am...
It is a risk, but every choice one makes in life is one. And the possibility of having a solution to my problems in my hands it's a risk worth taking. I'm sure she'll understand my choice. I hope she understands my choice...

quarta-feira, 1 de setembro de 2010

After a lot of time spend reading and programming code in visual basic, after almost 500 pages read, and several hundred lines of code written, tested and dissected, while trying to understand a completely alien IDE (which actually looks functional), I reached the brilliant conclusion that my time would have been much better spent practicing java, which is platform independent, and which I should really practice if I want a chance at getting a developer's job in Lisbon, instead of wasting time trying to figure out a language that can only be used on microsoft systems.
Mono developers are doing a great job, just like wine developers did (do), but the fact that microsoft's technologies are only fully compatible with their-selves in most cases.
It wouldn't be half bad if my specialization wasn't in open-source solutions. While I do feel that my knowledge has been expanded a bit, I can't help but feel that the headache and the time spent away from my kid wasn't really worth it. Why would I finally acknowledge VB's existence? Because I'm waiting for a contact for a second job interview for a position as a network admin and programmer that specifically asked in the required skills section the ability to program in VB.
I've left the first interview with a really bad feeling about the job. Apparently, they have several other divisions spread across the country, and they're using Outlook to keep coordinated. I know that Outlook is a great program, really useful in several ways, but keeping a whole company connected? File-sharing, developing, human resources, accounting... all that managed through outlook? I wonder...
Apparently the position is for a technician that can manage the network AND develop a solution to connect the several divisions of the company. Plus, the supervisor isn't anything even remotely close to an IT guy. He's an electrical engineer or something like that... I have yet to talk to the guy, but I don't feel very confident about this... I have the weird feeling that whoever fills the position is gonna be really under-payed if I really understood it. Wonder if that isn't the real reason for such low certifications asked. Besides the VB skills, everything else was pretty much common knowledge (or am I assuming that people in general know much more then they do?! I don't think so...). Still, I feel unease about this. I'll just wait to see what happens, but in the case I am hired, and stuff really is what I am thinking it is, I'm getting the hell out of there as soon as any other company hires me. I won't quit just to go back to being unemployed, and I may end up really enjoying the challenge, but one thing is to accept a challenge, another is to become a slave.
Lets see how it goes...

Noise: Jetson and Junkie - Hell is Hell
I really liked this release. Just in case anybody wants to listen/download, here's the link: http://www.phonotactics.info/?p=366

terça-feira, 24 de agosto de 2010

- Estás ai?
- Não estou sempre?
- Preciso de ajuda.
- Eu sei.
- Como sabes?
- Existe outro motivo para me contactares?
- Realmente, acho que não.
- Precisamente. Desembucha.
- Sempre tao amoroso.
- Tal e qual como tu, sou um ser pragmático.
- Estou exausto e a começar a desesperar com esta situação.
- Que situação?
- Tu sabes.
- O teu cerebro é pior que uma montanha russa. Dá-me algo com que trabalhar.
- Preciso de emprego.
- Não e o que todos voces aparentemente precisam mais cedo ou mais tarde?
- Sim.
- Então?
- Não consigo encontrar.
- Tens tudo o que precisas?
- Faltam-me documentos ainda.
- Acabaste de dar a ti mesmo a resposta. Arranja-os.
- Tecnicamente já os arranjei, mas ainda não foram entregues.
- Espera. Não é suposto receberes isso em breve?
- Já devia até ter tudo na mão.
- Ou seja...
- Ou seja nada. Não tenho. Estou farto de esperar. Pelo que me disseram era suposto já os ter, mas primeiro alguém se esqueceu, e depois vim embora para aqui. Vou ter que esperar que sejam entregues no correio na minha morada oficial antes de mos reencaminharem para aqui.
- O que se fosse feito electronicamente seria automático. Deixa adivinhar, não é.
- Exacto.
- Em primeiro lugar, tens que ter muita calma, precisas de te relembrar de vez em quando que o mundo não gira em torno do teu umbigo. Ele talvez não se tenha esquecido, apenas não tenha tido tempo para tal. Não o culpes.
- Tens razão.
- Como sempre. Já nem tem piada receber essas palavras.
- Sempre tão modesto...
- Segunda a contar do fim lembras-te?
- Mas vais ajudar ou não?
- Queres instrucções?
- Mais ou menos.
- E esperas que eu te vá dizer algo que tu ainda não saibas?
- E mais ou menos a ideia de falar contigo, sim.
- Esquece. Estás numa situacao complexa. Não posso dizer-te nada de muito especial. Tens orgulho na tua resistência, certo? Usa-a.
- Estou a chegar ao limite.
- Tens piada. Em todas as nossas conversas o estás, e no entanto esse limite ainda não foi atingido. Há quantos anos sabes da minha existência? Há quantos anos comunicamos assim?
- Mais de cinco.
- No entanto continuas a chatear-me com a mesma conversa sem te aperceberes do obvio. Resististe. Reclama as tuas limitações e elas serao tuas. Lembras-te disso?
- Isso e Bach não é?
- É.
- Desde quando usas citações de outros?
- Aprendi contigo.
- Comigo?
- Sim. Por vezes é mais simples e mais eficaz usar algo já existente que matar a cabeça a tentar criar algo novo, se o que já existe cumpre na perfeição as tuas necessidades. É o caso.
- Tu aprendeste comigo?
- Achas mesmo que te aturo apenas pelo prazer de ver um ser inferior a torturar-se? És mais do que aquilo que te apercebes.
- Wow.
- Não era um elogio. Tens ainda anos-luz a percorrer antes de chegares a meu igual. Mas no entanto mereces já há algum tempo a minha admiração. Tem calma puto, resiste. É o que fazes melhor. Já te vi a aguentar tudo e mais alguma coisa e a sobreviver mais forte.
- Não sei se isso é bem assim.
- Sabes sim. Por uma vez vou dizer-te o que precisas de ouvir ao invés de te fazer sofrer antes de te fazer chegar a essa mesma conclusão por ti.
- Estás a despachar-me?
- Estou.
- Porque? Estas assim tão ocupado?
- Eu? Não. Mas tu tens bem melhor que fazer atras de ti. Portanto, aguenta. Tu és bom. Melhoraste bastante. Continuaras a melhorar. Eu sei que aprender batendo com a cabeça na parede e desagradavel, mas é o que fazes melhor. Eventualmente mais esta parede irá ser derrubada. E as marcas da luta passarão a fazer parte das tuas medalhas de honra. Aliás, devias receber uma por teres descoberto a minha existência sem nenhum apoio externo. Mas enfim, estou a divagar. Mais um hábito que apanhei contigo. O que quero realmente dizer é que tu tens o necessério. A paciência não é um dos teus fortes, mas é algo que precisas de dominar. Sê paciente. Espera pelo que precisas e enquanto o fazes tira essa cara de zombie esfomeado com nojo de cérebros da cara, ergue a cabeca e continua a respirar. Já que mais nao seja, produzes dioxido de carbono para as plantas respirarem. Já e uma contribuição. E tenho a certeza que a tua presença, e um sorriso nessa tromba farão maravilhas. Se não apenas a ti, aos que te rodeiam. Não te esqueças que já não estas isolado do mundo preso entre quatro paredes. O que já em si é uma vitória. E uma que ja me estava a tardar. Agora desaparece-me da frente, levanta o cu, vai dar um beijo a cada um daqueles dois e sente-te feliz por aquilo que tens. E continua a resistir e a lutar pelo que queres. Adeus.

segunda-feira, 16 de agosto de 2010

Acabar algo afecta-me sempre. Positiva ou negativamente depende do que se acabou, mas existe sempre um travo que fica, uma sensação que teima em não desaparecer durante umas semanas.
Acabei o CET. Finalmente penso. Precisava disto, queria mesmo esta certificação, que me vai abrir portas para entrar num mundo para o qual tenho olhado de fora da janela e desejado mil e uma vezes entrar. Mas ficou no entanto um pequeno travo amargo. Saudades suponho, melancolia. Conheci pessoas diferentes, pessoas que me abriram os olhos para outras realidades e outros pontos de vista, que me fizeram pensar e que me obrigaram a ponderar algumas coisas que eu tomava como certas.
Apesar de não saber se realmente aconteceu, gostava que cada um deles tenha aprendido um pouco que seja comigo, pois se tal aconteceu, então a minha passagem por ali não foi totalmente uma perda de tempo.
Sou péssimo em despedidas, detesto aquele típico "Adeus, gostei muito de te conhecer...". Deixa-me desconfortável, sempre o fez. Por isso mesmo não disse nada a nenhum deles, não lhes disse o quanto me diverti, ou o quanto me ensinaram, ou o quanto alguns me torraram a paciência (devem pensar que o mundo é um mar de rosas não?!). Não disse nada. Apenas "Até um dia destes." Sou péssimo em despedidas...
Alguns deles vou ver de novo, talvez até bastante em breve. Outros, talvez não possa estar pessoalmente com eles durante bastante tempo, se é que voltarei a estar. Esta foi a maneira que arranjei de agradecer os momentos a cada um deles.
Tentaria fazer um agradecimento pessoal a cada um, quer aos colegas de turma, quer aos formadores, mas a verdade é que naqueles dois dias foi precisamente o que me andei a esquivar fazer. Deixo um grande obrigado quer aos meus colegas de turma, quer aos meus formadores. Agradeço especialmente o facto de me terem feito compreender que eu talvez não seja tão mau quanto penso que sou, que afinal sei bastante mais do que realmente me apercebo. Agradeço ainda mais o terem-me mostrado que o meu caminho de aprendizagem ainda mal começou e que apesar de até ter umas luzes em informática, que existe muito, mas mesmo muito mais a aprender.
Sentirei saudades porque cada um de vós passou de um oponente a vencer (que sim, foi assim que olhei para todos vós no primeiro dia do CET, um oponente, um adversário que eu teria que vencer, alguém cujo conhecimento eu teria que bater) a um amigo com quem partilhei bons momentos, a um amigo que aturou as minhas neuras e me disse que eu conseguia aguentar, a um amigo que me deu mais confiança em mim mesmo. Porque cada um de vós é especial e valioso pelas diferentes experiencias passadas e pelo que têm a dar a quem vos cruza o caminho. Terei saudades.
Um grande abraço a todos vós:
Ana Almeida, Catarina Gavancha, Diogo Tavares, Emanuel Balsa, Edgar Matos (sei que não aprecia muito o seu ultimo nome, portanto fica assim), Nelson Cebola, Paulo Silva, Paulo Serol, Leonardo Silva, Carlos Rodrigues, Ricardo Almeida, Ricardo Rosa, Luís Alegria, Filipe Reixa, Silvia Gomes, Andreia Rodrigues, Susana Monteiro, Helena Pinadas, Hugo Parente, José Gonçalves.
Welcome to the Grove.

sexta-feira, 23 de julho de 2010

Yes, this is an update

Being half drunk at 1433 in a friday afternoon is kinda lame I know, and apparently I can only update while intoxicated (probably 'cause I feel stupid sharing my thoughts while I'm not high on some substance or another). Today's choice was alcool, not my favorite drug, but hey, it's widelly available and it's legal to use on lunchbreak.
I've been meaning to update this for ages. Most of my readers are probably gone by now, as I haven't posted anything in ages. "Not much to tell probably", one might think, but the truth is that there is a lot to tell. A lot has happened since the temple collapsed, and the witness is far from gone from this world. I've been watching, breathing, living. At first I thought I had nothing to share. When I realised that I actually had something to share, that something was a truckload of stuff that happened and I figured I'd never be able to put it all down. I still think I can't, but I must give it a try.

This little blog has been a very important part of my life for years now, and I'm returning now because I have an obligation to myself and to it to bring it back to life. I designed a new and more functional layout, one that I actually like (let's face it, the default black theme from whenever this was created is outdated, boring and needs a serious revamp). It is almost finished, completly done by myself using only notepad and code written in several languages related to the web. The new layout will be available in late september, and the site will be moved to a different server. I can't share the link yet, but will as soon as the new Grove goes online. Besides the new layout, you can expect a new set of features that this one doesn't have. I've integrated into the new site a feed service, allowing my readers to sign-up to receive updates as soon as I publish them. As I said before, hopefully the new Grove will be available in late September, a little gift from me to myself and to all those who still bother opening this waiting for me to open my soul to the world.

Well, tech stuff out of the way, I'll just make a (hopefully) short list of the major events that happened since the last serious post (that dates back to 2008. Been a long time...):

- I'm now a proud father of a wonderfull boy named Rui.

- I stopped being stupid, left FLUL, recognised that I have no interest in the deep studies of language and literature, and finally dedicated myself to computer science. I'm now a certified network-specialist with a broad range of skills in the area.

- I stopped being a jackass wanna-be-playboy and finally openned my eyes to the truth that I love my girlfriend and that her happiness is an important part of my well-being.

- I decided to go back to competitive play. Really soon I'm joining the Magic the Gathering tournments, with a new spark in my eyes and the old wicked habit of messing my adversaries minds and beating them to a bloody pulp (figurativelly speaking of course).

- I've been away from lisbon for almost two years now, studying and working near my home village.

- I've walked out of every form of social network. So if your old link to my hi5 or vampirefreaks or myspace page isn't working, here's why. I canceled all my accounts, or at least all whose existance I'm aware off. I just have no patience for it anymore. After five years of comunicating to everyone I know through the computer, I've grown really tired of it. It lacks a lot of what I really need in a human interaction, and instead of fullfilling my need for a social life it has made me just growl in anger anytime that stupid msn window starts blinking. While I keep that active, it is only rarelly used, and only to contact my family.

- I've almost quited drinking (I've had three glasses of Licor Beirão with coffee and I really felt it hit me, just so you know how much stamina I've lost.) This from the guy that used to drink a bottle of vodka before going out on friday nights... well, people change I guess, or so I like to believe.

- The last change, and probably the most important one has to remain a secret, for while I doubt she'll come here, I don't want my girlfriend to find it out through here. (Maybe she'll get a special area in my upcoming website. Wanna vote? I'll leave this one to you guys and girls.)

So, this is it I guess. Just a minor update. I promise to keep posting on a more regular basis. At the very least I'll do 1 post per week. At most... I don't know. Check back if you care to. Happy readings!

P.S.: Opening the first voting pool. Coment on this post if you want my new layout to include a special "I love you" section dedicated to my girlfriend. Also, any sugestions for the new site will be carefully considered and possibly implemented if I think they'll become popular.


"We can still help each other, even if we're apart. And whether or not
I needed it, I received their support. So I'll return the favor in my own way.
I have to carve out my path to change the situation." by Squall in Dissidia Final Fantasy

segunda-feira, 17 de maio de 2010

Ralink 2860 sta on linux

This is the first of (hopefully) a series of tutorials for getting stuff to work under linux. Currently I'm using Sabayon 5.2 on an EEEpc 901.
Right out of the box, everything worked fine, except my wireless card, a ralink 2860 sta.

sábado, 10 de abril de 2010

Fui a uma festa de trance e ganhei um pau.